Handling Conflict In Marriage


A few days ago, in the process of cleaning out my ears with a cotton bud, I went in too deep and touched something that wasn’t meant to be touched. At first it felt uncomfortable but later, it became full blown pain.

For 2 days, I tried suppressing the pain with Paracetamol because I didn’t want to go to the hospital (I’m not a fan of hospitals). Eventually the pain became unbearable and I had no choice but to go to the hospital.

On getting there, I was referred to the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist). When I got to the ENT, he checked my ears and told me it was a good thing I came in when I did. If I had stayed back much longer, it would have resulted in something worse because an infection had set in.

Long story short, I was given medication and I’ll be fine.

This got me thinking about how we handle conflict in marriage.

As long as you have two people in a marriage, there is bound to be conflict at certain times. But what happens after the blowout? Do you leave the wounds of harsh words and actions to fester like I allowed my ear to? Do you stay in ‘conflict mode’ long enough to allow an infection set in? Or should you begin to mend fences immediately all raging tempers have cooled?

Conflict can be constructive, but it becomes destructive when you let anger fester to the point that it becomes difficult to retrace your steps.

If I had waited much longer to get my ears treated, who knows what could have happened?

READ  Why Do We Fight So Much?

Same applies to your marriage. It may seem like the one who holds a grudge longer is the “champion” but trust me, holding that grudge will only hurt your marriage and leave scars with an indelible imprint behind.

We are told not to let the sun go down on our anger. While we can take that advice literally or figuratively, the point of it is that, we should resolve differences as quickly as possible and not allow our anger fester.

You are important to your marriage and so is your spouse, however the sooner you realize that your union is bigger than the interests of anyone person at any given point in time, the better it will be.

Like they say, ‘The whole is greater than the sum of its parts’

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The author olawunmiesan

Olawunmi Esan is a Sex Therapist and Coach who helps Married Couples take Sexual Intimacy from Routine to Mond-Blowing.