Are You The Enemy Of Your Marriage?

are you the enemy of your marriage?

When I talk to singles planning to get married, one of the first things I ask is ‘What type of marriage do you envision for yourself?’

Based on their response, we then drill down to ‘What type of spouse do you need to make the vision a reality?’. We go further and the question becomes ‘What characters should you imbibe to bring that vision to reality? ‘

The first 2 questions throw them for a loop a bit because it challenges the conventional answers like ‘I want a Happy marriage or a God fearing spouse’ etc. It makes them think deeper.

However when it comes to the 3rd question, it’s pretty easy for them to come up and say ‘Yes, I have the characteristics or I am prepared ‘.

That’s how many of us look at ourselves….. through rose coloured glasses. And in marriage, it isn’t any different.

We want the most wonderful marriage, we want a fantastic spouse but we hardly hold ourselves to task on what role we need to play to make that wonderful marriage a reality.

When our spouses mess up, many times we are quick to judge (either within our hearts or by our actions). However when we mess up, it really doesn’t seem like much of a big deal.

We are human right? We should be given 2nd, 3rd or even unlimited chances.

As much as you are not perfect, your spouse also isn’t perfect. If God came down and handed over your spouse to you, it still doesn’t mean any of you are perfect.

Your spouse is a work in progress, just as you are. When they mess up, remember that and be as gentle on them as you would be on yourself when you don’t get things right.

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That being said. Today’s topic is You.

Are you a good spouse in just words or do your actions show you to be one?

Are you a good spouse only for show when people are around?

Are your actions as a spouse helping to bring your marital vision to reality or are you the wrench in the works?

In marriage, you can still envision the marriage you desire, the only difference between you and a single person is that you already chose your spouse. You may not be able to change who your spouse is but you can influence them by who you are.

So the big task for you in bringing your ideal marriage to reality is to do a dissection of yourself and assess objectively to see if who you are is who you need to be in order to make that vision a reality.

Based on the outcome of your assessment, take action and make the necessary changes.

Being truthful with yourself may not be fun. Making changes may even be less fun but that’s the only way to grow as a spouse, an individual or in whatever aspect of your life you choose to make changes.

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The author olawunmiesan

Olawunmi Esan is a Marriage and Sex Coach who helps couples optimize the power of their sexuality within marriage.